Kate Moss: Mom Says “Blow Your Nose”

LOL! Kate Moss I can see your boogers! Ha ha ha! Haven’t you ever heard of your pinky finger?
Man, you lucky you don’t ride the bus with me! You would get made fun of wicked bad! There’s one wicked ugly and dumb boy who makes people with boogers eat them! And then the bus driver yells [...]

Who is Sanchez, and Why is He So Dirty?

Hey noozies! Everywhere I go lately (the clubhouse, the basement, the kitchen for cookies) all I hear about is this guy, who’s name is Screech, or Dustin Diamond, or whatevah. At first I was like SOUND THE ALARM, (the alarm is my little sistah hitting a bucket with a wooden spoon), FAKE CELEBRITY! But then someone [...]

Lindsay Lohan Isn’t Fooling Us, Or You, Or Whatevah

DUH! Nobody wants to watch you try and play tennis like that, duh! Linds, you’re not even wearing a wicked kewl headband like ageisssi or anything, duh. And also, did you know, that your racket is like totes too small? Well it is, and nobody wants to see you play with it at all. For serious, [...]

BREAKING: Spinach and E. Coli Team Up To Sickify Paris’ Friends

 Oh mah Gawd, two down and like zero to go! Even I have more friends than Paris Hilton, and I don’t have to pay mine or find boys for them. And no one from the internet calls my friends when I lose my Sidekick either, because my Sidekick is two pieces of cardboard scotchtaped together with orange magic [...]

Boy Meets World, Meets Girl, Meets The End

Uh-oh. Noozies, sorry to have to break it to you, but that supah awesome dude from that totes wicked show died last night. It is NOT awesome.
What about Tapenga? Is she going to marry Sean now to help her forget the Boy who Met the World, but also to stay close to him by being [...]

Jennifer Love Hewitt Gets Spinach Poisoning and WRONG Medication!

Whoah! Another chapter in the super long book about how lame Spinach is! Jennifer Love Hewitt had to go to the hospital after eating Spinach! The worst part is, the doctor’s gave her the wrong medication! Check it out!

Paris Hilton, Give ME $100!

Noozies, check out these pictures of Paris Hilton giving some gross homeless guy $100! Whatevah homeless guy, whatevah! Do you think you’re special because you know Paris Hilton or something? What did you have to do to get the $100, like, promise to give it back or something?

HEY, GROSS HOMELESS DUDE? THE CAMERA’S OVER HERE! [...]

Paris Hilton Moved to India, And She’s Not Calling or Writing You Either

Nope. She’s not! She thought about it and then decided, “Eh. Whatevah.” It only took her a second. Seriously. She was all, “Count up to a million. I’ll be gone longer than that.” And everyone else was like “Losah, nuh-uh” and she was like “you’ll see.” Then everyone shook their heads.
Her sister Nicky got so [...]

Ashlee Simpson Looks Like A Horse, And Dad Won’t Buy Me One

I bet Ashlee Simpson has a horse and a dog (ruff!) and a hamster. I had a hamster once, but my friend Steve borrowed him and said he set him free because he didn’t like to play the way Steve likes to play. Also, I bet Ashlee Simpson has a horse, BECAUSE SHE LOOKS LIKE [...]

BREAKING NOOZ: Maddox and Shiloh Deliver Speech to United Nations, Immediate Action Expected

Whoa! Double WHOA! We just got word that our suspicious suspicions have been confirmed! Maddox and Shiloh DID make a speech at the United Nations today. Thanks to some awesome diggin’ we came up with this supah sweet bone! Check da transcript: