Uh, hey, Jessica, look over here at this cereal, or whatevah, because FYI there is a big picture of you on the magazine on the other side of the rack. I mean, no, there’s not, why would I say that? Whatevah!
What is she doing at a grocery store anyway? Why didn’t she make her little sister with the tupperware face Ashlee go for her? That’s what dumb little sisters are for, and beleive me, I KNOW.
And why is she wearing that ugly hat? Does that hat say L…A? What does that mean? “Lindsay Awesome”? Is she a fan of Lindsay Lohan? Whoah, I think so! Jessica, come sleep over this weekend! You can have the popcorn Kate Bosworth was gonna have! Only, wear a turtleneck or something, because your boobies are like planets and they’re scary.