I bet Ashlee Simpson has a horse and a dog (ruff!) and a hamster. I had a hamster once, but my friend Steve borrowed him and said he set him free because he didn’t like to play the way Steve likes to play. Also, I bet Ashlee Simpson has a horse, BECAUSE SHE LOOKS LIKE ONE TOO!
J/k, J/k, she actually looks like a girl, but kind of like a horse.
Dad, will you puhleeeaze buy me an ashlee simpson, I mean a horse? I will take care of it and whatevah and feed it. I will ride it too, maybe ride it away from here forevah because YOU LAME DAD, YOU LAME!
Whoa! Double WHOA! We just got word that our suspicious suspicions have been confirmed! Maddox and Shiloh DID make a speech at the United Nations today. Thanks to some awesome diggin’ we came up with this supah sweet bone! Check da transcript:
OHMAHGAW! Its like we’re sisters! Like cool and awesome sisters, not like stupid always-stealing-my-stuff sisters! Can I borrow your glasses? Wanna sleepovah and talk ’bout boys and makeup? FYI, your haircut looks like a boys! J/k, its the awesomist!
How many of you have heard of “E. Coli” in the nooz lately? So have we that many times! So of course, our first thought was, whoah awesome new celebrity, right? But once again, our supah awesome nooz hound sense of smells was tricked!
At first I was all, E. Coli, oh wicked cool! ! wondah what movies he is in! Maybe he did a new movie with Owen Wilson. Maybe he did a new movie with Kate Hudson. Whatevah!
But some serious nooz scouring and about 200 hundred googles later until finally I was wearing a hat like a cab driver’s and my dad’s glasses and I said WHOAH. E. Coli is not a real celebrity! It is just some stupid disease, trying to be famous, probably because it is wicked retarded!
So no one pay attention to this E. Coli guy, he is totally not a celebrity! If he is on TV don’t watch, change the channel and do a dance and say whatevah! If he calls you, say Whatevah and hang up! And then star 69 him and put a sock over your mouth and say “uuh, uuhf, hewwo is E. Coli dere?” and then when he says “yes?” take the sock off and go WHATEVAH and hang up! We will show this lame disease who is boss!
Goooooooooooood Morning Newsies! First scoop is a doozie!
Lindsay Lohan eats so many carrots her skin is orange! Thats it! Thats the scoop! She’s, like, totally obsessed! With Carrots! WHOA!
Hey nooz hounds, sorry we didn’t have time to get to all the awesome scoopz we promised last Friday, but there was just too much nooz to cover! But next week, we PROMISE you can look forward to these great bones to chew on! Woof! Woof!
- Charlie Sheen: Still a Machine?
- Jack Nicholson: Wait, wait…Who??
- Alvin and the Chipmunks: Why do you guys give Dave such a hard time?
- Lindsay Lohan: Come on, one more time, pleeeease?
- Theodore Chipmunk and Dakota Fanning: SAY IT AIN’T SO!
- Kevin Federline: You need band-aids for those cuts.
- Steven Seagal!
We can’t wait until next week guys! Have fun this weekend, don’t do anything a celeb wouldn’t do! Which is like nothing! Haha! Whatevah!
THIS JUST IN: Nicole Richie is fighting the terroristic war! Awesome right? NOT! She’s on the wrong side!