Category Archives: Dads Suck

Ashlee Simpson Looks Like A Horse, And Dad Won’t Buy Me One

I bet Ashlee Simpson has a horse and a dog (ruff!) and a hamster. I had a hamster once, but my friend Steve borrowed him and said he set him free because he didn’t like to play the way Steve likes to play. Also, I bet Ashlee Simpson has a horse, BECAUSE SHE LOOKS LIKE ONE TOO!


J/k, J/k, she actually looks like a girl, but kind of like a horse.

Dad, will you puhleeeaze buy me an ashlee simpson, I mean a horse? I will take care of it and whatevah and feed it. I will ride it too, maybe ride it away from here forevah because YOU LAME DAD, YOU LAME!

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Filed under Ashlee Simpson, Celebrities Drool!, Celebrities Rool!, Dads Suck, Horses

TOP SECRET: Celeb Hangout Cooler Than Your Bedroom

Ta-da! Thanks to some amaaaaaaaaazing under-cover noozin’ (double ruff!) we just got the scoop on where celebs are hangin these days! You know how whe you go to restaurants with your dad or whatever and sometimes bars and there aren’t any celebrities there? And you’re like “Why can’t we go somewhere that doesn’t smell like grandma’s and there are clothes on the girls who are walking around with drinks and stuff?” Well, its because they have a way awesomer place to hang out that no one knows about because its like a SUPAH SECRET! DUH! And also they don’t have to deal with their dads, which is totes uncool.

Celebs aren’t hanging at the mall anymore because there aren’t any cool clothes ever since The Limited left and went to that place by the gas station. Its true! They loooved that store. Now all the ultrah kewl celebrities are hangin’ at the Hospital! Its where all the nooz goes down!

totes dumping spinach

Word is that she’s cheating on her losah boyfriend with a really coo bartender there. Its true! Bummer


Filed under Dads Suck, Lohan, Secrets (oooooh)

Nooz Flash: E. Coli! Not a celebrity! Just some wicked dumb disease!

How many of you have heard of “E. Coli” in the nooz lately? So have we that many times! So of course, our first thought was, whoah awesome new celebrity, right? But once again, our supah awesome nooz hound sense of smells was tricked!

At first I was all, E. Coli, oh wicked cool! ! wondah what movies he is in! Maybe he did a new movie with Owen Wilson. Maybe he did a new movie with Kate Hudson. Whatevah!

But some serious nooz scouring and about 200 hundred googles later until finally I was wearing a hat like a cab driver’s and my dad’s glasses and I said WHOAH. E. Coli is not a real celebrity! It is just some stupid disease, trying to be famous, probably because it is wicked retarded!

So no one pay attention to this E. Coli guy, he is totally not a celebrity! If he is on TV don’t watch, change the channel and do a dance and say whatevah! If he calls you, say Whatevah and hang up! And then star 69 him and put a sock over your mouth and say “uuh, uuhf, hewwo is E. Coli dere?” and then when he says “yes?” take the sock off and go WHATEVAH and hang up! We will show this lame disease who is boss!

no way, go away you are a losah!

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Filed under Celebrities Rool!, Dads Suck, Fake Celebrities

Los Angeles: Where Celebs Go to Rool

Have you heard of Hollywood? DUH, dumb question. But seriously, have you heard of it? This place rools, it is where all the celebs live. Everyone in hollywood has a bunch of little dogs, and they rule too! Like everyone gets waaaaay more than one! And when your dog dies they give you a new one. Not like everywhere else where instead of giving you a dog they make you bury him. It sucks! Nobody in Hollywood has to bury their dog in the backyard when its raining and not give you a new dog to play with, like in Hollywood. That would be totally evil. Not even something that DADS would make you do. Not even, because dogs are awesome and dads are not.

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Filed under Celebrities Rool!, Dads Suck, Gay Dudes, Lohan