Category Archives: Fake Celebrities

BREAKING NOOZ: Maddox and Shiloh Deliver Speech to United Nations, Immediate Action Expected

Whoa! Double WHOA! We just got word that our suspicious suspicions have been confirmed! Maddox and Shiloh DID make a speech at the United Nations today. Thanks to some awesome diggin’ we came up with this supah sweet bone! Check da transcript: 

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Filed under Babies, Celebrities Rool!, Fake Celebrities, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, Spinach Sucks, Terrorists, Vegetables

Maddox and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt Hate Spinach!

Whoah, this just in noozies! With all the celebrities getting sick due to their favorite vegetable and losah not-celebrity E. Coli, someone’s finally taking a stand! And they’re babies!

Maddox Jolie-Pitt and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt are teaming up this week and giving a speech at the United Nations about how lame spinach is and that it’s destroying all the celebrities like Lindsay Lohan. Oh mah gawd, this bring a teah to mah eye…

But wait, what about losah little sister Zahara? I mean what is she doing? Little sisters are wicked annoying, everyone knows that (especially ME). I’ll bet Zahara does something wicked dumb, like draws all over Maddox’s coloring books or cuts the hair off all my Barbies. We’ll keep you posted about what happens as Shiloh and Maddox give their speech later today and Zahara watches cartoons at home or whatevah.

spinach is gross!!!

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Filed under Babies, Fake Celebrities, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, Spinach Sucks, Vegetables

If That’s Spinach, Put It Down Right Now! Don’t Eat It! Seriously!

Noozies! Run for your lives! For realz, there is some bad spinach running around the world! If you eat it, it makes you really sick! Don’t eat the spinach oh mah gawd!

SPINACH is responsible for all the PR “not-celebrity” E. Coli is getting! It’s like Spinach is E. Coli’s lame agent or something! And it is even starting to affect the celebrities! Celebrities loves spinach, because it is a supah hip vegetable. Most celebrities when they go out to eat are like,

“Oh, oh, can I have this? Oh, is there spinach in it? Oh, there is no spinach in it? Oh, then, whatevah!”

But not anymore! Read on to see who’s the latest victim!

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Filed under Fake Celebrities, Firecrotch, Lohan, Spinach Sucks, Vegetables

Nooz Flash: E. Coli! Not a celebrity! Just some wicked dumb disease!

How many of you have heard of “E. Coli” in the nooz lately? So have we that many times! So of course, our first thought was, whoah awesome new celebrity, right? But once again, our supah awesome nooz hound sense of smells was tricked!

At first I was all, E. Coli, oh wicked cool! ! wondah what movies he is in! Maybe he did a new movie with Owen Wilson. Maybe he did a new movie with Kate Hudson. Whatevah!

But some serious nooz scouring and about 200 hundred googles later until finally I was wearing a hat like a cab driver’s and my dad’s glasses and I said WHOAH. E. Coli is not a real celebrity! It is just some stupid disease, trying to be famous, probably because it is wicked retarded!

So no one pay attention to this E. Coli guy, he is totally not a celebrity! If he is on TV don’t watch, change the channel and do a dance and say whatevah! If he calls you, say Whatevah and hang up! And then star 69 him and put a sock over your mouth and say “uuh, uuhf, hewwo is E. Coli dere?” and then when he says “yes?” take the sock off and go WHATEVAH and hang up! We will show this lame disease who is boss!

no way, go away you are a losah!

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Filed under Celebrities Rool!, Dads Suck, Fake Celebrities

Suri Crooz, I know who you are!

Whoah dudes, I figured out the Tom Crooz mystery that has totes stumped even the best nooz hounds! Check it out!

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Filed under Fake Celebrities, Scientologists, Suri Crooz

Ernesto Who? Never Heard of Him!

Ok, so, guys, there’s a totally lame hurricane all over the nooz, did you know that? Well there is! It is everywhere! It is like really popular, kind of totally like a celebrity, so I was all “Oh, cool, celebrity nooz for my totally awesome celeb nooz reports, yow!” But then I was like WHOAH wait a minute! This hurricane is so NOT a celebrity! You know? So for all you nooz hound would-be’s out there, WATCH OUT! Ernesto is not a celebrity! It’s a hurricane! Isn’t that so weird? What are celebs coming to? It’s totally so sad sometimes you know?

And what’s with all the primary colors? Would you ever wear that to the Oscars? No way, I know right?

No way dude, you're so ugly!

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Filed under Fake Celebrities