DUH! Nobody wants to watch you try and play tennis like that, duh! Linds, you’re not even wearing a wicked kewl headband like ageisssi or anything, duh. And also, did you know, that your racket is like totes too small? Well it is, and nobody wants to see you play with it at all. For serious, why don’t you just do what you do best. Just “breathe,” or go cry to your mom who doesn’t really love you because your dad is in jail or whatever. Go Paris!
Category Archives: Paris Hilton
Oh mah Gawd, two down and like zero to go! Even I have more friends than Paris Hilton, and I don’t have to pay mine or find boys for them. And no one from the internet calls my friends when I lose my Sidekick either, because my Sidekick is two pieces of cardboard scotchtaped together with orange magic marker writing on it.
Paris, don’t you even read our website? Obviously your friends don’t, because they’re STILL eating spinach! I mean how dumb do you have to be? Can your friends even read? LOL. I mean, cause if they can’t I know a really kewl lady named Mrs. Livingston who can teach them…Only she teaches first grade in my town! PSYCH! LOL! No way Paris’s friends, no way.
Noozies, check out these pictures of Paris Hilton giving some gross homeless guy $100! Whatevah homeless guy, whatevah! Do you think you’re special because you know Paris Hilton or something? What did you have to do to get the $100, like, promise to give it back or something?
HEY, GROSS HOMELESS DUDE? THE CAMERA’S OVER HERE! What are you looking at, a half-eaten cheeseburger or something? Paris, I can’t beleive you gave this guy $100! I mean, he doesn’t even have a house! So where’s he gonna put whatever he buys? And I mean, you KNOW what he’s going to buy, right? Gawd Paris, do I have to spell it out for you?
There’s only one thing ANYBODY would buy if they had that kind of money, and you know it:
Nope. She’s not! She thought about it and then decided, “Eh. Whatevah.” It only took her a second. Seriously. She was all, “Count up to a million. I’ll be gone longer than that.” And everyone else was like “Losah, nuh-uh” and she was like “you’ll see.” Then everyone shook their heads.
Her sister Nicky got so mad she called their moms and they were both grounded. So now its more like Paris is on a vacation. Which is waaaaaay cooler anyways, except she can’t buy any dogs or anything, so if this one dies, “It’s the last one.”
Did your neck throw up, Paris? J/k. I think it looks fine. Only, it looks a little like your neck threw up. But j/k, j/k.
FYI, its like she’s been on vacation forever almost. When asked when she would return she said, “Did you count to a million yet? You’re probably only on like 15 or something.”
SHUT UP PARIS!
Still up to the same stuff though:
Seriously? What happened here? You guys both look all tangled up in stuff.
Linds, how did you get that power cord wrapped around your dress? You can’t plug it in, you know. You can’t!
And Paris, that dress is so old its got spider-webs on it! And not the cool kind like in the cartoons, it’s the scary kind like in the cartoons! Gosh!
Paris Hilton, we heard you didn’t even sing the totally awesome songs on your new album “Paris”! Can it be true? Puuuhhleeaze say it’s not!
We heard you got some losah from California who’s in some other band to sing for you! Why would you do this, when your voice is like such a sweet songbird! FYI, us nooz hounds (arf! arf!) have pretty sweet singing voices when we’re not growling and digging up bones (scoops) in the backyard! What is the deal? We tried to find out who it was , but we googled “losah from California” and all we got was this:
Paris Hilton, I made you these awesome blueprintz to help you get started on Club Paris Hilton! I didn’t have enough time or room to draw the wall of gumball machines, or the clowns and weiner dogs balancing hamburgers on their nose, but you get the idea! Good luck! Also, I think you’re going to need at least 9,000 square feet and tell the contractor to sound proof the VIP room so they don’t hear the awesome calliope band in the basement!