Oh mah Gawd, two down and like zero to go! Even I have more friends than Paris Hilton, and I don’t have to pay mine or find boys for them. And no one from the internet calls my friends when I lose my Sidekick either, because my Sidekick is two pieces of cardboard scotchtaped together with orange magic marker writing on it.
Paris, don’t you even read our website? Obviously your friends don’t, because they’re STILL eating spinach! I mean how dumb do you have to be? Can your friends even read? LOL. I mean, cause if they can’t I know a really kewl lady named Mrs. Livingston who can teach them…Only she teaches first grade in my town! PSYCH! LOL! No way Paris’s friends, no way.
Whoa! Double WHOA! We just got word that our suspicious suspicions have been confirmed! Maddox and Shiloh DID make a speech at the United Nations today. Thanks to some awesome diggin’ we came up with this supah sweet bone! Check da transcript:
Whoah, this just in noozies! With all the celebrities getting sick due to their favorite vegetable and losah not-celebrity E. Coli, someone’s finally taking a stand! And they’re babies!
Maddox Jolie-Pitt and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt are teaming up this week and giving a speech at the United Nations about how lame spinach is and that it’s destroying all the celebrities like Lindsay Lohan. Oh mah gawd, this bring a teah to mah eye…
But wait, what about losah little sister Zahara? I mean what is she doing? Little sisters are wicked annoying, everyone knows that (especially ME). I’ll bet Zahara does something wicked dumb, like draws all over Maddox’s coloring books or cuts the hair off all my Barbies. We’ll keep you posted about what happens as Shiloh and Maddox give their speech later today and Zahara watches cartoons at home or whatevah.
Noozies! Run for your lives! For realz, there is some bad spinach running around the world! If you eat it, it makes you really sick! Don’t eat the spinach oh mah gawd!
SPINACH is responsible for all the PR “not-celebrity” E. Coli is getting! It’s like Spinach is E. Coli’s lame agent or something! And it is even starting to affect the celebrities! Celebrities loves spinach, because it is a supah hip vegetable. Most celebrities when they go out to eat are like,
“Oh, oh, can I have this? Oh, is there spinach in it? Oh, there is no spinach in it? Oh, then, whatevah!”
But not anymore! Read on to see who’s the latest victim!
Goooooooooooood Morning Newsies! First scoop is a doozie!
Lindsay Lohan eats so many carrots her skin is orange! Thats it! Thats the scoop! She’s, like, totally obsessed! With Carrots! WHOA!