Nope. She’s not! She thought about it and then decided, “Eh. Whatevah.” It only took her a second. Seriously. She was all, “Count up to a million. I’ll be gone longer than that.” And everyone else was like “Losah, nuh-uh” and she was like “you’ll see.” Then everyone shook their heads.
Her sister Nicky got so mad she called their moms and they were both grounded. So now its more like Paris is on a vacation. Which is waaaaaay cooler anyways, except she can’t buy any dogs or anything, so if this one dies, “It’s the last one.”
Did your neck throw up, Paris? J/k. I think it looks fine. Only, it looks a little like your neck threw up. But j/k, j/k.
FYI, its like she’s been on vacation forever almost. When asked when she would return she said, “Did you count to a million yet? You’re probably only on like 15 or something.”
SHUT UP PARIS!
Still up to the same stuff though:
[via Bollywood City via Radar via The Computer, Duh!]
Ruff! Ruff! Tom Crooz could use some toothpaste! Why does he have his hand up like that? Is he behind a glass window so no one can get to him?
FYI you guys, same source told us that there’s something crazy brewing! Can you guess what Tom Crooz, Katie Holmes and The Moon have in common? Find out after the jump!
Seriously? What happened here? You guys both look all tangled up in stuff.
Linds, how did you get that power cord wrapped around your dress? You can’t plug it in, you know. You can’t!
And Paris, that dress is so old its got spider-webs on it! And not the cool kind like in the cartoons, it’s the scary kind like in the cartoons! Gosh!
BREAKING: One of our super scoopers (ruff!) just told us that Lindsay has been up to something fishy. Uh oh!
Ultra top secret footage below. For eyes only:
Suri Crooz, what is your deal? Can you even talk yet or what? If so, you should call me. A lot people say your Dad is crazy, but he is also dangerous! I don’t think it is safe for you to live with them! What would he do, I mean what would he do if you guys were driving to like McDonald’s for a happy meal and this happened? My point is, Tom Crooz has a dangerous life! What are you supposed to do Suri? What are you supposed to do when Philip Seymour Hoffman tries to blow up your car and you don’t even know how to undo your baby seat? Tom Crooz, why?
Suri Crooz, call me before it’s too late!
John Travolta, what is up? What is the deal with yourself? I saw you in a picture kissing a dude! What is up with that? What about like in Face Off when Nicholas Cage had your face? Maybe that explains it? What about that maybe explains it? John Travolta, seriously, people want to know, what is up? Do you maybe need to talk to someone? Do you maybe need to talk with yourself? John Travolta, John Travolta, whoah! You are blowing people’s minds!