Paris Hilton, Give ME $100!

Noozies, check out these pictures of Paris Hilton giving some gross homeless guy $100! Whatevah homeless guy, whatevah! Do you think you’re special because you know Paris Hilton or something? What did you have to do to get the $100, like, promise to give it back or something?

ew gross, oh mah gawd

HEY, GROSS HOMELESS DUDE? THE CAMERA’S OVER HERE! What are you looking at, a half-eaten cheeseburger or something? Paris, I can’t beleive you gave this guy $100! I mean, he doesn’t even have a house! So where’s he gonna put whatever he buys? And I mean, you KNOW what he’s going to buy, right? Gawd Paris, do I have to spell it out for you?

There’s only one thing ANYBODY would buy if they had that kind of money, and you know it:

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Filed under Easy Bake Ovens Rool, Fagina, Homeless People, Money, Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton Moved to India, And She’s Not Calling or Writing You Either

Nope. She’s not! She thought about it and then decided, “Eh. Whatevah.” It only took her a second. Seriously. She was all, “Count up to a million. I’ll be gone longer than that.” And everyone else was like “Losah, nuh-uh” and she was like “you’ll see.” Then everyone shook their heads.

Her sister Nicky got so mad she called their moms and they were both grounded. So now its more like Paris is on a vacation. Which is waaaaaay cooler anyways, except she can’t buy any dogs or anything, so if this one dies, “It’s the last one.”

Did your neck throw up, Paris? J/k. I think it looks fine. Only, it looks a little like your neck threw up. But j/k, j/k.

FYI, its like she’s been on vacation forever almost. When asked when she would return she said, “Did you count to a million yet? You’re probably only on like 15 or something.”

Still up to the same stuff though:

Paris, oops!

[via Bollywood City via Radar via The Computer, Duh!]


Filed under India, Negar Khan, Nicky Hilton, Paris Hilton, Paris Sucks, Weirdos

Ashlee Simpson Looks Like A Horse, And Dad Won’t Buy Me One

I bet Ashlee Simpson has a horse and a dog (ruff!) and a hamster. I had a hamster once, but my friend Steve borrowed him and said he set him free because he didn’t like to play the way Steve likes to play. Also, I bet Ashlee Simpson has a horse, BECAUSE SHE LOOKS LIKE ONE TOO!


J/k, J/k, she actually looks like a girl, but kind of like a horse.

Dad, will you puhleeeaze buy me an ashlee simpson, I mean a horse? I will take care of it and whatevah and feed it. I will ride it too, maybe ride it away from here forevah because YOU LAME DAD, YOU LAME!

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Filed under Ashlee Simpson, Celebrities Drool!, Celebrities Rool!, Dads Suck, Horses

BREAKING NOOZ: Maddox and Shiloh Deliver Speech to United Nations, Immediate Action Expected

Whoa! Double WHOA! We just got word that our suspicious suspicions have been confirmed! Maddox and Shiloh DID make a speech at the United Nations today. Thanks to some awesome diggin’ we came up with this supah sweet bone! Check da transcript: 

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Filed under Babies, Celebrities Rool!, Fake Celebrities, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, Spinach Sucks, Terrorists, Vegetables

Scarlett Johansson! I Totally Have Those Shorts Too

OHMAHGAW! Its like we’re sisters! Like cool and awesome sisters, not like stupid always-stealing-my-stuff sisters! Can I borrow your glasses? Wanna sleepovah and talk ’bout boys and makeup? FYI, your haircut looks like a boys! J/k, its the awesomist!

where did you get that shirt?! its awesome!


Filed under Celebrities Rool!, Scarlett Johannswhatevah, Sleepovers

Maddox and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt Hate Spinach!

Whoah, this just in noozies! With all the celebrities getting sick due to their favorite vegetable and losah not-celebrity E. Coli, someone’s finally taking a stand! And they’re babies!

Maddox Jolie-Pitt and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt are teaming up this week and giving a speech at the United Nations about how lame spinach is and that it’s destroying all the celebrities like Lindsay Lohan. Oh mah gawd, this bring a teah to mah eye…

But wait, what about losah little sister Zahara? I mean what is she doing? Little sisters are wicked annoying, everyone knows that (especially ME). I’ll bet Zahara does something wicked dumb, like draws all over Maddox’s coloring books or cuts the hair off all my Barbies. We’ll keep you posted about what happens as Shiloh and Maddox give their speech later today and Zahara watches cartoons at home or whatevah.

spinach is gross!!!


Filed under Babies, Fake Celebrities, Maddox Jolie-Pitt, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, Spinach Sucks, Vegetables

TOP SECRET: Celeb Hangout Cooler Than Your Bedroom

Ta-da! Thanks to some amaaaaaaaaazing under-cover noozin’ (double ruff!) we just got the scoop on where celebs are hangin these days! You know how whe you go to restaurants with your dad or whatever and sometimes bars and there aren’t any celebrities there? And you’re like “Why can’t we go somewhere that doesn’t smell like grandma’s and there are clothes on the girls who are walking around with drinks and stuff?” Well, its because they have a way awesomer place to hang out that no one knows about because its like a SUPAH SECRET! DUH! And also they don’t have to deal with their dads, which is totes uncool.

Celebs aren’t hanging at the mall anymore because there aren’t any cool clothes ever since The Limited left and went to that place by the gas station. Its true! They loooved that store. Now all the ultrah kewl celebrities are hangin’ at the Hospital! Its where all the nooz goes down!

totes dumping spinach

Word is that she’s cheating on her losah boyfriend with a really coo bartender there. Its true! Bummer


Filed under Dads Suck, Lohan, Secrets (oooooh)